Why I'm Afraid of Not Knowing
The Uncomfortable Comfort Zone
I didn’t know what to write today. I have been thinking about what to write about, on and off since last Thursday. But I didn’t pressurise myself to it. This is very unlike me in other areas of my life. For my classes at school/ university or my workshops I plan everything to the T. But not really for my article today.
The Planner's Paradox:
This got me thinking why was I ok with uncertainty in few areas of my life and not in majority of them. What was the difference? I really wanted to make sense of this selective trait of mine. And whenever I cannot figure out the answers I turn to a podcast or a book. Luckily on the way to the gym I heard this podcast ‘Sitting with Uncertainty’ by
. Apparently a lot of our life choices clearly reflect how comfortable we are with uncertainty.
As mentioned on the pod people who are open to uncertainty are ok with movies that have an open ending or abstract art that is open to interpretation as compared to people who are not.They prefer closure, proper ending and realistic art. I decided to ask people on my Instagram polls. And based on the responses I could see some correlation between the choices made and the responses.
If I look at myself, I am not exactly in one category, which must be the same for many others as well. I am very uncomfortable with movies with open endings because I invested all that time watching it, and not knowing the end is so annoying. But I hate realistic art, I find it limiting, unimaginative and banal. Abstract art exudes freedom, possibilities and an allure.
The Influence of Familial Scripts:
Then what is influencing my relationship with uncertainty? A lot has to do with the familial scripts around this topic. What I mean is the response of your closed ones to uncertainty definitely has an influence on how you react to uncertainty. Not to put my parents under the bus, but as a child and as a grownup I have seen my parents in different spectrums on how they faced uncertainty.
My dad took many risks in life, way too many which kind of made me also a go getter. But now that I see my father in his old age, he tends to play it safe, takes a backseat. My mom has been the oddest mix of strength, resilience and playing it safe at the same time. She is very risk averse but rock solid in the face of adversity. Likes to follow a routine and do things promptly but leaves it unto the universe to take care of things.
I think it all comes down to how much faith we have in our strengths. I put off writing until the last minute, because writing comes very easily to me but I wouldn’t do that with other things with higher stakes. But wouldn’t it be amazing if we could build this faith in our abilities? This Tedx Talk suggests one builds that trust one’s ability, by exercising it as a muscle.
Building Confidence Through Action:
I tried to test it out by going out by going for different kinds of events over the past three weeks. I tried to balance it out with downtime where I would cater my need for a night in as well. Talking always came easy to me. I was always acing it in debates, speeches and emceeing. But networking would really trigger a lot of my insecurities and give me a reality check on how shitty some people can be and that has got nothing to do with me.
Earlier I would only go to such events if I had a plus one or I knew someone. Now I prefer to go by myself because that way I am forced to network. I rarely use my phone during that time because I don’t want to miss out on an opportunity to make a connection. The Tedx talk said - Uncertainty is an unexplored opportunity. It’s either an opportunity to do something new, meet someone new or find something new about yourself.
So are we comfortable with uncertainty? I don’t know……….:)
