What If You STILL Don’t Know? The Truth About Feeling Lost in Your 30s (and Beyond)
Why clarity feels impossible, how social media makes it worse, and why being unsure might actually be the answer.
Hey Lovely People,
Let me start by saying this: I’m so grateful for you. For us . Over time, this little corner of the internet has become more than just a place where I share my thoughts-it’s turned into a support group, a safe space where we can be candid, vulnerable, and real with each other. And honestly? That means everything to me.
Every week, I open up about what I’ve been going through, sharing not just my struggles but also the lessons I’m learning along the way. It’s messy, it’s raw, and sometimes it’s downright uncomfortable-but that’s life, isn’t it?
Through all of this, your engagement, your comments, your messages-they remind me that none of us are alone in feeling lost or overwhelmed. So thank you. Thank you for being here, for showing up, and for being part of this beautiful little community.I really hope you are being nicer to yourself this Monday, being patient with yourself, giving yourself the second and third chances and loving every version of yourself .
Now, let’s get into it. Because today, I need to talk about something heavy-something I’ve been wrestling with lately. Something I think might resonate with you too.
The Addictions No One Talks About
I have some addictions. Before you jump to conclusions, they’re not the “classic” ones like smoking or drinking-I’ve never had trouble with those. No, my demons are subtler. Quieter. But just as destructive: social media and existentialism .
And let me tell you, this battle has been raging for a while now.
Social media isn’t just about the usual doom-scrolling problem (though, God knows, that’s definitely part of it). What really eats away at me is the comparison trap . Every time I open social media, there they are-the twenty-somethings handing out life advice like they’ve cracked the code to happiness and success. They post their perfect photos, their polished stories, their seemingly sorted lives. Meanwhile, here I am-still lost, still questioning, still trying to figure out what the hell I want from this chaotic thing we call life.
It makes me sick. Sick with envy. Sick with regret. Sick with the gnawing feeling that I wasted my twenties chasing relationships that didn’t fulfill me, rebelling against expectations without ever stopping to ask what I really wanted , and pursuing goals that felt hollow even when I achieved them.
And now? Now I’m older, supposedly wiser-but no clearer.
The Journal That Tells My Story
Flipping through my journal lately feels like reading the diary of someone perpetually stuck in quicksand. Here’s the pattern:
When I had a well-paying job, I was stressed.
When I carved out time to “find myself,” I was stressed.
When I finally tasted freedom, I was...you guessed it, stressed.
Somewhere along the way, I realized I wasn’t addicted to purpose-I was addicted to stress , to the endless chase for an elusive dream that flits around my mind like a mirage of a doom-inviting mermaid. She lures me into her sea of overthinking, only to crash me against the jagged rocks of reality.
This has become my existence-a slow-simmering poison bubbling in a cauldron of existential crisis. A constant tug-of-war between longing for clarity and fearing I’ll never find it.
The Pressure to Have It All Figured Out
There’s an unspoken timeline that haunts us as we age. No wonder birthday cakes don’t bring the same happiness as it did when you were a child. Society whispers, almost imperceptibly, that by your thirties-or certainly by your forties-you should have it all together. The career trajectory mapped out. That shiny trophy labeled “success” sitting proudly on your shelf.
But what if… you still don’t know?
What if, despite all the years behind you, you’re still staring blankly at the future, unsure of where to go next?
For so long, I beat myself up for not fitting into this narrow mold. For not having answers when others seemed to overflow with certainty. But lately, I’ve begun to ask myself a different question: Why am I placing this pressure on myself to have everything figured out in the first place?
Life doesn’t follow a straight line. Growth doesn’t come with a roadmap.Being unsure might just be the exact place we’re meant to grow.
Rejecting Conventional Paths
Here’s the thing: I don’t want the conventional life everyone talks about. I don’t crave a 9-to-5 grind that leaves me drained. I don’t yearn for children calling my name while I try to piece together who I am. These paths aren’t inherently bad; they’re just not mine.
Yet rejecting these norms often leaves me feeling untethered, like I’m floating outside the boundaries of what’s expected. Have you felt this too? Like you don’t fit into any box society hands you?
Maybe you feel that you’re “too old” to change careers. Maybe you’ve faced judgment for not wanting kids-or for wanting them but not having them yet. Maybe you’ve looked around at your peers and wondered why their lives seem so much clearer than yours.
Here’s what I’ve come to realize: comparison kills curiosity. When we measure ourselves against others, we silence the voice inside that says, “Keep exploring.” Instead, we settle-not because we’ve found fulfillment, but because we think we’re running out of time.
Rediscovering Joy Through Curiosity
Lately, I’ve found solace in one simple truth: I don’t need to know everything right now. What I do need is to trust my curiosity-to keep reading, writing, learning, and growing.
Right now, I love writing. I adore connecting with the world through words, rediscovering how good I am at crafting sentences that resonate. Is this my purpose? My calling? My forever thing? Honestly, I don’t know. But does it bring me joy? Yes. Does it make me feel alive? Absolutely.
And isn’t that enough?
Life isn’t about finding one definitive answer. It’s about collecting experiences, moments, and lessons along the way. It’s about following the breadcrumbs of curiosity, wherever they lead. Sometimes they take you somewhere extraordinary. Other times, they loop back to where you started-but you return wiser, braver, and more aware.
Permission to Be Lost
If there’s one thing I want you to take away from this, it’s this: give yourself permission to be lost. To question. To wander.
Your thirties and forties aren’t failures if you’re still searching for meaning or direction. They’re opportunities-to rewrite your story, to redefine success, to live authentically on your terms.
Ask yourself:
What excites me?
What makes me curious?
Where does my energy naturally flow?
Follow those answers, however vague they may seem. Trust that you’ll figure it out as you go-not because someone else expects you to, but because you owe it to yourself to explore.
Finding Freedom in Not Knowing
There’s a strange kind of freedom in admitting, “I don’t know.” It means letting go of the need for certainty and embracing the beauty of possibility. It means stepping off the prescribed path and forging your own, even if it feels scary or uncertain.
So here’s to all of us who are still figuring it out. Who wake up some days unsure of what we want, where we’re headed, or how we’ll get there. Let’s celebrate our questions instead of shaming them. Let’s honor our doubts instead of hiding them.
Being unsure might just be the exact place we’re meant to grow
Final Thought:
If you’re reading this and nodding along, remember this: you’re not failing. You’re living. And every step you take-even the ones that feel aimless-is leading you closer to yourself. Keep going. Keep asking. Keep trusting your curiosity.
After all, the journey might just be the destination. For those of you who also like a good visual reflection, I made this video. It’s a short one, and I would love to hear what you thought of it.
Life update:
For those of you who’ve been following along, I’ll be traveling for the next two Mondays-first to the gorgeous sands of Koh Samui, then to the serene mountains of Chiang Rai in Thailand. Normally, I’d be thinking about making content, posting videos, staying “productive” even on holiday. But this time? I might break that toxic cycle and actually give myself a break-for once in my life.
So if you don’t hear from me for the next couple of weeks, you’ll know why. That said, I don’t want to disappear completely. Would you be interested in some short fiction I wrote a few years back? I promise, I do a darn good job. Click on the poll below to let me know if I have your permission.
Our 1.3-year relationship together-every Monday, through these articles-is too precious to break. ❤️
This piece really resonated with me.
In Anam Cara, John O’Donohue writes that each person carries an “infinite longing,” an “empty space” within, but this space is not a flaw.
It is not meant to be filled with possessions, achievements, or even other people.
It exists so that the mystery of being can move through us, so that we remain open to wonder, connection, and spirit.
Sometimes the tension and restlessness we feel isn’t a problem to solve, but an invitation to listen to that deep space inside, the part of us that was never broken, never lost, just waiting to be honored.
Wishing you lightness and trust on your journey.